The goal of trauma work is to feel safe in present time. The same can be applied to anxiety, which I view as a learned experience related to a fear of identifiable adverse life events. If it were possible in the first session to get a client to know they are safe in the present moment the work would be done. This doesn’t happen because events from the past are revisited whenever a trigger of past events causes the physical, emotional, cognitive spiral of a stressor to escalate and cause distress. Trauma work in therapy is about rewiring the brain to avoid going into that spiral and to be able to view the present moment more fluidly; where observations, decision making, and communications are more effective. The rewiring of the brain is described by Francine Shapiro, as the Adaptive Information Processing (AIP) model. She created Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) as a tool to facilitate the process. The amount of work and time necessary to feel safe in present time is typically dependent on whether the trauma is a single incident event or developmental trauma. When developmental trauma is coupled with attachment issues the process for feeling safe in present time can take significant time. What I find most fascinating is the resilience that some children have in their ability to create dissociative states to cope with the severest constant emotional and physical abuse in childhood where they often have a feeling of hopelessness. The ability to do so is the difference in someone being able to thrive and those who suffer mental breakdowns and self destructive behavior. The work of the therapist is to facilitate the client in separating the content of the trauma that has been compartmentalized from the dissociative state and allowing that part stuck in the past to recognize it is in present time and can stand down and be less vigilant. When this occurs it is much easier to cope with daily challenges recognizing that options are available that did not seem possible in the beginning. This is why it is necessary to routinely reassess what the goals of therapy are.
Assessing marriage
When assessing the potential for growth and compatibility of a couple I consider the level of trust and commitment that exists between them. If one of them is not committed to the relationship it has little chance of success. If there is limited trust between partners it is going to be difficult for the relationship to grow while working through the conflicts that are always present.
Normal relationships begin with levels of trust that is limited and it develops as the relationship evolves. A healthy person has a normal suspicion of others. If one of the partners has never been able to trust others growth is going to be a challenge. Those with attachment issues is going to be particularly cautious about trusting others. Being in conflict with a partner can trigger past memories and emotional upsets presenting vulnerabilities that people respond to in many ways. Being able to trust a partner in conflict provides the opportunity for individuals to know that their inner weaknesses will not be used against them. Being in conflict provides a window for resolution or compromise, which provides for long term growth.