One of the goals of working with anxiety is to feel comfortable outside of the bubble one creates to have a sense of control. Those with obsessive compulsive disorder are the most extreme. Severe anxiety or hypervigilance related to trauma create a sense of fear about what may be around the corner. A typical method of dealing with the triggers of that fear is to try to contain the environment. This severely limits opportunities for getting to know others, exploring the outdoors, moving into new careers, and engaging in needed conversations. Individual growth is stunted. A goal of therapy for anxiety is to process those fears that cause the body and mind to feel stressed so that the client will be able to feel safe in present time. The body becomes more comfortable and the mind becomes quiet. I enjoy watching clients experience this for the first time. It makes it much easier to expand ones comfort zone. Eventually it’s possible to look at life through a new lens with opportunities that were difficult to imagine as realistic. Life becomes easier, requiring less effort, when we are comfortable in the world without having to be on constant guard with shields up inside a bubble.
Being in conflict
Many people do not like being in conflict. It is necessary that one be comfortable with conflict to grow in relationships, the work environment, and in the world at large. If it was not okay to be in conflict in the home during development it is typically not going to be okay to be in conflict with significant others as adults and with others outside the home. It is an important ingredient in being successful in relationships, in ones career, and in being comfortable exploring the world.
Noticing how clients deal with conflict in initial assessments is an indicator of resilience. Often those who have difficulty with conflict will be self limiting in their career choices and social interactions.
It makes it much easier for couples to communicate effectively if they are comfortable being in conflict. It allows them to openly discuss issues that may be barriers to being themselves. There is always conflict in a relationship, and almost always at least one signifiant conflict that is not reconcilable, as was pointed out by therapists and researchers Drs. John and Julie Gottman. It is necessary for partners to be able to engage with each other to find a comfortable understanding or compromise.
If there was a lot of anger and overbearing aggression in the home while growing up it can become a trigger to feelings of distress; such as fear or anger that does not have a means of expression, resulting in repression. When in a relationship with an assertive partner I find that conflict often appears to trigger fear and anxiety. When asked about their response to the conflict they often report negative responses that are appropriate for processing. Doing so allows for them to reach a place where conflict is not so frightening.