Month: March 2021

I often use Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in working with clients to assist them in being able to visualize their motivations and barriers to growth. It is very useful in understanding the primary needs and goals. If a client or couple is struggling with finances, they are going to be focused on the second level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs identified as “safety”. It increases the level of stress and makes it much more difficult to deal with higher level needs. Clients often find it useful to know that sex or reproduction is at the first level of needs identified as “physiological”. It is such a strong instinct that Freud became stuck on its importance and focused his theory of psychology on sexuality. It is always an important aspect of couples work. And since almost all therapy is about relationship with others it is virtually always comes up in individual work. To focus therapy and to be able to function on the higher level needs of “esteem” and “self actualization” it is important that the lower level needs be fulfilled at some level. Over time and even throughout the day we will typically move between the different levels. If a couple is focused on a different level of need or a different objective within a need; such as, one being focused on sleep and the other on sex within the “physiological” level, conflict with arise. Being able to work with couples to identify and visualize their conflicts within Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is often a good starting point.

If someone has a path forward they have direction in their life. I always insist that clients create their path when beginning their work. This usually includes creating it physically with pencils or paint. The only instructions are to put an “X” where you are currently and to identify your goals in the opposite corner. The object then is to create the path from where you are presently to your goals. If change is going to take place it is necessary to know what that change looks like when your reach it. The goals may change or be refined as you move forward. Using your creative mind to establish your path forward and putting it on paper or canvas is very different than creating it in your mind. After creating your path and finding direction with it you have a compass on what to do when you find yourself lost or challenged by what to do next.

I often use this with clients who are in a dysfunctional relationship with someone who is addicted. The addiction becomes the overriding objective of the addicted and it is impossible for them to get out of it unless they take responsibility for finding a path to new goals. The addicted path is one of chaos that has no future or direction. The spouse or significant other of the individual in chaos has little possibility of finding their partner on their own path.

For those who are goal oriented but have not considered higher level needs other than being successful in a career or basic security needs, their path is often a straight line. This makes it difficult to meet higher level needs such as emotionally fulfilling relationships and balance in life.

The creative process is very useful in bringing about change. I typically have my clients “create their path” after identifying their goals. It sometimes takes minutes and for others it can take weeks. Clients will tell me they have thought about it and created it in their mind. That is very different than drawing it on paper or painting it on canvas. My perception is that actually creating something seems to use a different part of the brain that establishes something more permanent in the individual. It gives them a compass for direction if they find themselves off course. The physical act of creating something sets in place what the cognitive brain has considered. I use their path often during times of difficulty to assist clients in being able to find their way when they are lost and without direction. They soon learn to use it on their own.

Developing the creative process is very helpful in being able to ground oneself and to establish a clear understanding of what one is facing. I have been using the creation of images on paper during sessions to better understand and accept what is true and to motivate clients to take action where they have been resistant to doing so. The use of EMDR helps to create the possibility for change when the need for change has been resisted.

I often hear clients tell me they want to volunteer. Volunteering can be rewarding and an indication of a healthy society; however, it is often the last thing someone needs to be doing if they are challenged by taking care of themselves. If the client is not taking care of himself, but wants to focus their attention on others, volunteering can have a detrimental effect on being able to move forward. They often have difficulty identifying and establishing goals and are not willing to experience the distress that comes with being vulnerable enough to take risks. There is generally a negative belief that they are not worthy of putting themselves first and taking care of their own needs. Instead, they often have a history of spending many hours helping others, but go without themselves. Typically, their defense mechanism is one of shutting down their emotional self, but yet carry the burdens of others. With proper support it is necessary for them to become vulnerable to their own distress and find ways to take care of their personal, emotional, and physical needs and give themselves permission to do so.