I have been recognizing lately how often it is necessary to grieve the loss of a child, parent, or spouse who is still living. The family member may be lost to addiction, mental illness, a cult, a possessive spouse or a spouse who has found someone else. It is complicated by the existence of hope that recovery or common sense will prevail. I’m often told that it would be easier to deal with if the person had actually died. There is always hope that the addicted member will find the ability to find a path back towards a future rather than the chaos they are entangled in. A family member who becomes psychotic and loses touch with reality creates incredible pain for those who love and care for that person. It can become even more distressing if the family member is a threat to them. I find too often that parents lose contact and relationship with a child because of a spouse who is too possessive and threatened by their family. I often hear people say “I never saw it coming” when a spouse or significant other leaves them for someone else. The endearing memories from the past feel like only yesterday and one wonders how could this have happened. A support network of friends or a spiritual faith can be helpful, however, the grief that one feels is real and painful. Accepting the loss can be just as real as if the person died and often my perception is that it is worse.
A path to wholeness