Clients often identify forgiveness as a goal of therapy. During the first session I do an assessment, in which a diagnosis is considered, goals set and a therapeutic plan is discussed. If a client is having difficulty being able to see there is a future and what the outcome might look like I give them possible ideas to consider, such as feeling comfortable in their mind and body. My clients are often dealing with complex trauma; to include significant childhood abuse and neglect, sometimes by a parent or related family member with whom they still have contact. When discussing goals they sometimes identify forgiveness as a priority. My experience is that forgiveness is nearly always am impossible goal to achieve in therapy. It may be an outcome of therapy; however, I would not recommend it as a goal. A child typically learns to repress the anger and fear they experience when they are abused. It is not safe to express it and that learned behavior carries forward to adulthood. The anger, fear, sadness and other distress is carried in the body and mind and is manifested in all kinds of physical symptoms. To try to forgive their perpetrator usually results in repressing those emotions even more. It is usually normal to process the distressed emotions and allow them to be released for progress in the therapeutic process to take place. Forgiveness may end up being one of the outcomes of therapy, but I resist a client identifying it as a goal of therapy.
Western culture, of course, is influenced by Christian doctrine regarding forgiveness. Matthew 6:14 (NIV): “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” I believe that for those of us who are Christians it is an important aspect of our support. As I indicated above forgiveness is often an outcome of processing anger and fear and forgiveness can be welcomed.
It is also my experience that some rare individuals have no filter for their Shadow (dark side), are without a conscience and are truly evil, and that forgiveness for them is not possible .