The challenge of all relationships is being able to have honest communication. If you are walking on eggshells in your home, or if your children are, it will never be the sanctuary that is necessary for normal human development and healthy relationships. When working with clients who are challenged by their relationship with their spouse or significant other it is necessary that you be able to say the truth. Not being able to say the truth prevents you from being able to work out conflicts, which are the barriers to growth. Having to repress the truth has numerous effects on the mind and body. Each time the truth is repressed you carry that incident with you both physically and emotionally. It creates a negative energy in the home that everyone responds negatively to. As the years wear on those repressed experiences and negative energy eventually become permanent responses that clients eventually come to see me for. If you are not able to feel safe and calm in the home those feelings are carried out into the world.
Everyone copes with growing up in that type of environment differently. Some will try to live in a bubble trying to control every little bit of that environment. The obsessive behavior makes it difficult for anyone else having to live in that bubble and everyone is on edge. Those that are not as resilient deal with that type of environment by using drugs such as alcohol or marijuana.
The goal in therapy is to overcome the negative beliefs about saying the truth, creating better boundaries and discovering that saying the truth is much less difficult and stressful than walking on eggshells. It makes for a much healthier environment in the home, in the office and in the community. The main reason there are so few good managers in government and industry is there are to few people that are able to say the truth and be disagreeable. It is much worse today because with social media there is no personal discourse where you deal with the consequences of what is said. Conflict becomes greater with more separation between groups. I have seen impersonal texting used with disastrous consequences within family systems. And it is a documented history that never goes away when someone is no longer angry or intoxicated.
Relationships grow through conflict. Resolution of differences requires trust that each party will not be annihilated and that it is safe to be in disagreement. Often it is discovered that context or reference not discussed completely changes the perspective once it is shared. Sometimes there is no resolution to conflict and compromise is necessary. Occasionally removing yourself from an environment is necessary if it is not healthy for you. This may be permanent or temporary, particularly with extended family.